Until It Sleeps
by Youkai Hime-Chan
Summary: Until it sleeps SongFic of Kyo's Transformation. Spoilers for those who haven't read up to book 6 of the manga or watched the entire anime series. Follows the manga's version of the scene.


**Authors Note:** This is a SongFic dealing with Kyo's transformation. The Song is _Until It Sleeps_ by Metallica. Spoilers ahead for those who haven't read to book 6 in the manga or watched all of the anime. This follows the manga's version of this scene, as I like that Tohru is stonger here. If it seems familiar, most of the dialog is right from TokyoPop's Translation. The _italics_ are the song lyrics.

Shishou - master

**Disclaimer: **I do NOT own Fruits basket, though I do own a handmade bracelet modeled after Kyo's, and of course my manga books.

**UNTIL IT SLEEPS**

* * *

I stood outside, feeling exhausted from the impending storm. "Shishou, if there's something you want to tell me, can we do it inside? You know how this weather makes me feel." 

Kazuma looked at me, his adopted son. "My grandfather was the same way. I understand he was often sapped of his strength on rainy days. Is it because you are possessed by the cat? Is it because the vengeful spirit of your True Form hates the rain?" I couldn't speak at my shishou's accusation. "If you do not accept your true form soon, you will never be able to progress."

With anger in my eyes, I snapped back "I DO accept it... I accept that my life is worthless because I was born the cat! And its the rats... its HIS fault. Because HE started all of this!"

Kazuma couldn't help but sigh. "You haven't changed" he softly spoke. His eyes seemed distant, as if he was reminiscing. "Are you going to continue to live that way?... Even now? Stopping up your ears, closing your eyes." he looked down to the ground as the rain began to fall. " Is that the only way you want to live? And," he spoke with a heavy heart, "is that the way you want to die?... completely Alone. You said yourself that you hate it here. But thats not it. Its not thats you hate it. Its that your afraid. You want to run away." Kazuma grabbed my left wrist, holding tightly to the beads that held my true form at bay speaking with a new conviction. "The warm feeling you compared to "drowning in lukewarm water".. you know that it will HEAL you. But the truth is, you do not want her to know your True Form. You are afraid of losing her if she finds out. You are just trying to run away from that uncertainty."

I couldn't believe it. What was he trying to do? "Your Wron-" I was cut off by my shishou's voice booming around me.

"You leave me no other choice. I will take away your means of escape. Will you lose her or will you not? Though this path may lead us to ruin, I will help you find out and lead you down it!" Kazuma's face was full of conviction and regret. TOHRU! Why was she here. "Kyo.. Discover for yourself... whether or not your birthright really makes you worthless" Before I could act, I was falling to the mud, my beads slipping off into shishou's hand.

My mother's words filled my head. "It's all right"  
Stop it.  
"I love you little one."  
STOP IT!  
"I won't let anyone see you. No one look. Don't look.. at my child"  
STOP!  
"Don't Look. DON'T LOOK AT HIM!"

"DON'T LOOK AT ME!" I screamed as my true form took hold.

Tohru couldn't speak at first, "...Kyo...kun?"

I couldn't handle it. "She saw me!" I ran "She saw me." Away from that house. "She saw me" Away from her. "Its Over...its over. Everything... its all... HOPELESS!"

_Where do I take this pain of mine?  
__I run, but it stays right by my side.  
_My mothers voice filled my head. "What's wrong?"  
_So tear me open, pour me out_.  
"Did something happen?"  
_There's things inside that scream and shout.  
_"Kyo, did Akito say something?"  
_So hold me... until it sleeps._

"Kyo..."  
_Just like the curse, just like the stray_.  
"Its ok..."  
_You feed it once and now it stays_.  
''...Mommy loves you..."  
_Now it stays_

"STOP IT!" I screamed to the voices in my head. "Its not my fault! ITS NOT MY FAULT!" but the voices wouldn't stop. "Its too much... too much..."

_So tear me open but beware.  
__There's things inside without a care  
__And the dirt still stains me  
__So wash me ... until I'm clean._

Tohru stepped into the clearing out of breath. "Kyo... kun"

She followed me! "STAY AWAY!" I screamed. "What, are you doing? How can you just act... like nothings wrong? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY!" She just kept getting closer to me. "What the hells your problem? Can't you SEE? SMELL?"

_It grips you, so hold me  
_"I'm Disgusting, aren't I?"  
_It stains you, so hold me  
_"I'm Sickening, aren't I?"  
_It hates you, so hold me  
_"Why don't you leave me Alone?"  
_It holds you, so hold me  
_"I DON'T WANT YOUR PITY!"  
_Until it sleeps_

Tohru, I'm begging you. Please stop. Don't come near me. STOP!  
_So tell me why you've chosen me  
_She kept coming for me. "Kyo-ku... Kyo-kun... but... but I"  
_Don't want your grip, don't want your greed  
_My mothers voice "..because I am your..."  
_Don't Want it_

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I screamed pushing the girl away. My claws cut into her flesh. Tohru, stop.

_I'll tear me open, make you gone  
_I'm going to make you miserable! "Get Lost! You drive me crazy!"  
_No more can you hurt anyone  
_"I can't stand to look at you! Next time I'll cut your face to pieces!"  
_And the fear still shakes me  
_"GET LOST!"  
_So hold me until it sleeps_

If I'm going to lose her anyway... I'll make it hurt so bad, I'll hurt her so much... That it couldn't possibly hurt anymore. I'll make it so bad...  
_It grips you, so hold me  
_...That she'll never feel sorry for me again  
_It stains you, so hold me  
_That she'll never want to look back!  
_It hates you, so hold me  
_I HATE THIS!... losing her...  
_It holds you...  
_...Being pitied...  
_...Holds you...  
_...Being miserable...  
_...holds you until it sleeps  
_Having this Fate forced on me  
_I don't want it_

My mothers voice again. "Akito is wrong. You are a normal little boy. You just have an evil spell on you that makes you turn into that... I'm not the least bit afraid."

Thats a lie. You really WERE scared weren't you? Thats why you checked my beads dozens of times during the day to make sure they hadn't come off.

"You're my son and I'm proud of you"

Thats not true. If it was, why was I never allowed outside?

"You're just so cute I don't want anyone else see you"

You were ashamed... weren't you?

"No, I love you... I would die for you. I... I love you so much.."

Why do you always say things like that? You wont even acknowledge the REAL me! So why are you acting like you Love me so Much! You were just saying the things you thought a mother should say.

_So tear me open but beware  
_STOP IT! Don't Force that love on me! I don't need it... I don't need it... I don't care if you find me scary... I don't care... I...I just... more then anything else... I wanted us to be together!  
_There's things inside without a care  
_Tohru suddenly grabbed my arm. "You have to go back" she pleaded. ".. back home... lets go back... you.." She was crying. "You just HAVE to. I couldn't bear if if you don't."  
_And the dirt still stains me  
_I was angry. "Don't you get it? Let go... Stop It!"  
_So wash me till I'm clean_

"NO! I DON'T GET IT!" She screamed back at me. Her face was pale, her hands were shaking. Her voice was so cold. "... I'm scared. Right now... Kyo-kun... Listening to your voice, it's like its not you. I've never seen anything like it. It's Scary." Tears were streaming down her face as her whole body shook. "But...but... but from now on... I want to understand EVERYTHING! ...From now on.. just like you listened to my complaints Kyo-kun... I want you to let me listen to yours. When things get tough... when you're scared... when your weak.. I want you to tell me. I want you to let me care about you. I want to be TOGETHER!"

Together...

"I want us to live..eat meals, study... share out troubles... like we did before... Together...I WANT TO STAY TOGETHER!" She was clutching my arm tight, tears streaming down her face. The rain stopped and the clouds began to clear away.

"Y...you... you don't have to... love everything" I had transformed back. "Its ok... If you were scared. It's ok." Because being scared, is proof you saw the REAL me. But mom, you would always tell me that you loved me. You wouldn't look at me. You wouldn't even think about me. Did you really think it was enough to tell me you loved me?

_I'll Tear me open,  
_"This is what I wanted... all along. To have someone to share my worries with" It's ok if your scared. It's ok if you don't love my hideous self. But even so...  
_make you gone  
_"Lets go on living... Together.." It sounds stupid... I just assumed... no one would ever understand me.. I never thought.. "Tohru... TOHRU!" I brought her in close for an embrace.  
_No longer will you hurt anyone  
_I'd hear those simple words. Just like that...the ugly emotions inside me...the mud-covered anxiety... one by one you melt them away...  
"Kyo-kun?..." she asked my cat self on her lap.  
_And the hate still shapes me  
_Why ...would someone like you... stay near me...  
_So hold me until it sleeps  
_and... cry for me?

_Until it sleeps._

* * *

So, did you like it? Please R&R. This is the first fic I have published as the other half a dozen or so I have floating in my head are still in the planning stages. 

Youkai Hime-Chan


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